additionally, the real first challenge of this adventure has begun for me... learning how to draw! for as long as i can remember, i've had the urge to let out the emotions inside me in some form of drawing, painting, sculpting, SOMETHING, but every time i put pencil or marker or brush to paper, what comes out is unrecognizable as anything but utter crap. i've never successfully drawn anything that actually looked like what it was supposed to be. it's been incredibly frustrating for me, and is probably what pushed me in the direction of crafting- jewelry, hemp, knitting, cross-stitching, origami... things i can actually DO lol... but the frustration has only ever been slightly abated. so, i am very very excited about this drawing class, and my professor really gets me... she understands the frustration and desires i've had, and i think she's the perfect shepherd for me. look what she already made me do!:
i know, i know; absolutely the most boring drawing ever lol it was an excercise in shading and turning shapes into forms, kindergarten play for many people, but a challenge for me. i was one of the last three people to put mine up on the board, because i am an absolute perfectionist and a horrible self-critic. i was psyching myself out the whole time, and my brand new kneaded eraser is already black with my frustration... but i'm really satisfied with how it turned out (aside from the obviously too large highlight on the sphere, which i will be fixing), and i think there might be hope for me yet!
i'm feeling more and more each day like i want to just go for the fine arts degree. i just wish there were more specifically computer arts and photography classes in that degree, instead of it being mostly history and drawing with photography and CA tacked on. i never thought i could or would be this happy in frickin' SCHOOL. but i am. and perhaps even more astonishing, jim told me the other day that if i wind up with a degree from this, and don't end up doing anything related to it afterwards, he'll just be happy that i went back to school. this is AMAZING. forthe last two years, when i've thought out loud that i might like to take a class in something- cooking, ASL, japanese, anything- his first response is "are you going to do something with it?"; his second is "then, no." it's made it really hard for me, because i'm just a person who enjoys learning and exploring things. to be told that i can't explore something unless i'm going to commit to doing it for the rest of my life is... barbaric!!! i'm really really happy that i made this decision, and i'm glad that jim is just letting me do it, with no pressure and no further expectations.